It is very amazing to discover from others ,friends, relatives and elderly people who know my mother that I had discussed with them what my mother was like most of them on the issue of region. They all told me that they never saw her going around inside the temple and performing rituals and they also never saw her little six daughters and a son visiting temples except on some rare occasion during the time mother was alive. Our communities even today send out their daughters to various religious centres, one of the reasons probably norms for marriages. I usually observed them dressed up wearing ornaments. Temples used to be a display centre for girls hanging around with materials offering to the God and I was told that they get additional score for proposals of the daughters from wealthier families ( all arranged marriages). This is one way of testing that his daughter-in-law has got a very spiritual mind and she believes in God. Those who believe in God are considered good people. My classmates in school I remember used to talk a lot about visiting temples. Those are the places where people find families with sons and are looking for eligible girls hoping looking for wealthier families will do for their families. Poojaries are engaged in makers approving the horoscope. There the bottle necks pump a lot of fear into the minds letting a lot of fear mongering stories based on as they claim on astrology. I remember my mother never believed in that. There are proposals for my elder sister and all my relatives so many friends and relatives asked her for a horoscope for my sister and she said no. This used to be strictly against social norms then.
All the people who loved my mother were worried because of my mother's frail health. As per health worker her days were counted. They strongly suggested that among six daughters at least two three daughters should be married off, so their responsibilities are shifted to the other families. However my mother wanted all her siblings to continue studying and emerge as professionals. During those times no girls used to be allowed to study further and used to strictly take full responsibility of looking after the kitchen and other household responsibilities. My mother used to be called a big fool. She never believed in early marriages and always convinced children that after her death It is the education which will save us during critical trying hardship days. Wealth and ornaments can be away any time .
My mother used to enjoy being with people and feeding them well. She never celebrated her birthday but the birthday of my father on that day was celebrated lavishly. She used to call all the relatives from the husband's side, including other friends. I remember other times she used to spend money on celebrations on any child doing well in our academics. If somebody is doing very well in academics she used to celebrate that day very well calling even the relatives. I remember when my brother did senior cambridge it was really celebrated. She used to spend a lot of money on celebrations. She was always doing everything against social trends and negative messages used to pour into my
mother who was very sickly.
I recall she was very very sick from the time of 1965. She had an acute estama. She would frequently visit hospitals. I a health worker always giving her injection and left side I used to see red patches on the thighs because everyday taking injection and those areas used swollen. Before she passed away the eldest daughter was studying MBBS and son was studying Engineering in India. no such academic institutions existed then in Nepal in those areas.
When I got married I was so surprised to find a mother-in-law who would spend four hour in the morning and four hour in the evening. She used to take pride in sprinkling gangajal on my body or anybody who entered the house at every corner of the house. This is a Hugli river in front of her flat in the Shyam Nagar flat in Calcutta. She always used to have Pundit visiting that house all the time.
Imagine a person spending 8 hours in Puja !! She used to feel very proud in front of Bengali families highlighting her power of doing pooja. She could recite all the Sanskrit slogans. She could recite even better than the pundits. She would even correct all those if he made a mistake. Pundits used to be scared because she knew most of the Sanskrit slokas thoroughly. It used to take two hours to reach the Calcutta main city. On the road there’s so many temples and every temple on the rad she would tauch forehead called name of god. She used to force me to do the same during clear two hours of drive to Calcutta main city
What a transition from what kind of mother had and what kind of blind and closed minded mother-in-law I had. I found a similar pattern with all the families who rely on worshiping and depending on pandits of temples. They are so one track minded and would never internalise the perceptions of other people's views.
After 1970 at IIT Kanpur I had very tough competition and difficulty while studying. Academics was very competitive and very scary. The standard of education in Nepal and the standard
of education in IIT kanpur there’s a big gap. English was so different. Those days there used to be scores for English marks also in All India Joint Entrance Examination. Lot of students from public
schools in India used to get higher scores and used to get advantage in the
JEE entrance examination. There 13 sections in English THe category used to be based on score in English of JEE entrance examination.
I was in section #1 unfortunately by accident in a section where students scored highest in English in the JEE english subject. There were 35 students in the class who came from public school and had studied British English standard. All throughout their childhood they wrote excellent English. I never knew that English had to be written in a different way in British style. I came from a school where we didn’t have a qualified English teacher. We were never made to write anything. Everything we had to mug. At IIT K we were made to write four pages and the book was a British literature fat book. The language was 400 years old.
I totally forgot the temples of Gods. My brain aligns with my mother's. In 2015 two professors visited Kathmandu. They were living in a very old culture dominated core area of Patan filled with heritage centres. They were so surprised people so traditional minded every day early morning crowding around all the temples. My stay in IIT Kanpur kept me away from temples and rituals and transformed me even more and helped me fight against traditional social norms like my mother.
Why ladies who get deeply engrossed into worshipping God are fanatic, so blind and their perceptions are so closed, never open to the accepted perceptions of other people. They are often very strict and they take pride in being able to communicate with God. God is supreme and these mother in laws are supreme. They refused to listen to anyone. There’s so much of a crisis for the poor daughter-in-law of such families.
All the people who loved my mother were worried because of my mother's frail health. As per health worker her days were counted. They strongly suggested that among six daughters at least two three daughters should be married off, so their responsibilities are shifted to the other families. However my mother wanted all her siblings to continue studying and emerge as professionals. During those times no girls used to be allowed to study further and used to strictly take full responsibility of looking after the kitchen and other household responsibilities. My mother used to be called a big fool. She never believed in early marriages and always convinced children that after her death It is the education which will save us during critical trying hardship days. Wealth and ornaments can be away any time .
My mother used to enjoy being with people and feeding them well. She never celebrated her birthday but the birthday of my father on that day was celebrated lavishly. She used to call all the relatives from the husband's side, including other friends. I remember other times she used to spend money on celebrations on any child doing well in our academics. If somebody is doing very well in academics she used to celebrate that day very well calling even the relatives. I remember when my brother did senior cambridge it was really celebrated. She used to spend a lot of money on celebrations. She was always doing everything against social trends and negative messages used to pour into my
mother who was very sickly.
I recall she was very very sick from the time of 1965. She had an acute estama. She would frequently visit hospitals. I a health worker always giving her injection and left side I used to see red patches on the thighs because everyday taking injection and those areas used swollen. Before she passed away the eldest daughter was studying MBBS and son was studying Engineering in India. no such academic institutions existed then in Nepal in those areas.
When I got married I was so surprised to find a mother-in-law who would spend four hour in the morning and four hour in the evening. She used to take pride in sprinkling gangajal on my body or anybody who entered the house at every corner of the house. This is a Hugli river in front of her flat in the Shyam Nagar flat in Calcutta. She always used to have Pundit visiting that house all the time.
Imagine a person spending 8 hours in Puja !! She used to feel very proud in front of Bengali families highlighting her power of doing pooja. She could recite all the Sanskrit slogans. She could recite even better than the pundits. She would even correct all those if he made a mistake. Pundits used to be scared because she knew most of the Sanskrit slokas thoroughly. It used to take two hours to reach the Calcutta main city. On the road there’s so many temples and every temple on the rad she would tauch forehead called name of god. She used to force me to do the same during clear two hours of drive to Calcutta main city
What a transition from what kind of mother had and what kind of blind and closed minded mother-in-law I had. I found a similar pattern with all the families who rely on worshiping and depending on pandits of temples. They are so one track minded and would never internalise the perceptions of other people's views.
After 1970 at IIT Kanpur I had very tough competition and difficulty while studying. Academics was very competitive and very scary. The standard of education in Nepal and the standard
of education in IIT kanpur there’s a big gap. English was so different. Those days there used to be scores for English marks also in All India Joint Entrance Examination. Lot of students from public
schools in India used to get higher scores and used to get advantage in the
JEE entrance examination. There 13 sections in English THe category used to be based on score in English of JEE entrance examination.
I was in section #1 unfortunately by accident in a section where students scored highest in English in the JEE english subject. There were 35 students in the class who came from public school and had studied British English standard. All throughout their childhood they wrote excellent English. I never knew that English had to be written in a different way in British style. I came from a school where we didn’t have a qualified English teacher. We were never made to write anything. Everything we had to mug. At IIT K we were made to write four pages and the book was a British literature fat book. The language was 400 years old.
I totally forgot the temples of Gods. My brain aligns with my mother's. In 2015 two professors visited Kathmandu. They were living in a very old culture dominated core area of Patan filled with heritage centres. They were so surprised people so traditional minded every day early morning crowding around all the temples. My stay in IIT Kanpur kept me away from temples and rituals and transformed me even more and helped me fight against traditional social norms like my mother.
Why ladies who get deeply engrossed into worshipping God are fanatic, so blind and their perceptions are so closed, never open to the accepted perceptions of other people. They are often very strict and they take pride in being able to communicate with God. God is supreme and these mother in laws are supreme. They refused to listen to anyone. There’s so much of a crisis for the poor daughter-in-law of such families.
Due to Pandemic and economic crisis young girls and young women are caught up with multi tasking responsibilities overwhelming their mental and physical systems. Our brain is not designed for multitasking and it easily gets into stress mode affecting cognetic functions. Too much mental stress is harmful for them and damages mental health adding burden to mental and physical health. Their young siblings also suffer in the process with their grand mothers glued to temples and often hypnotised by pandits. These gods of temples drain away the family money which is so much needed for the future. Even today so many rituals are performed in the name of god however people should spend hard earned money cautiously.